I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
