Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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