i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
