I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
