no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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