i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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