Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
