True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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