We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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