he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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