for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Bring me that man meat
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
