Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I want a musical about memes.
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