I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
