I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So much rum. So many feels.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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