sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
