dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
