just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
