guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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