I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
