I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
