I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
