Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
