Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
