I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
