her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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