dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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