If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
