guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
