jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
