hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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