physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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