I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
