I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
