Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
