I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Randomize
