I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
