Christians are straight up FREAKS
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When are your genitals available?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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