I puked a lego.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No subtext here. People are naked.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
