I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize