for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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