He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
