The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
