Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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