i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
