So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
