The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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