I hate all girls vehemently.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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