I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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