I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
