so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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