I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize