i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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