She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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