Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
