I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
