I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
