Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
