So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
