she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
