I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
