you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
