Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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