Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
