Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm eating all of the evidence.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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