remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
