i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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