She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
