I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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