Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize