he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
