Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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