You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
