drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize