I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
